22:00 Jun 16 2010
Times Read: 908
I've not been on much. My thoughts have been in a constant state of confusion. I seriously don't know what to do about this relationship I am in.
I really just don't know.
Ok a little bit of back story:
I've seen my parents struggle and go through some really hard time. My mom was the person who put thing in perspective, kept priorities where they were so things got paid and money was taken care of.
After my mom passed I seen the reason why my mom was the way she was with things. My dad doesn't think of a lot of things. His priorities with things are really shitty. As far as what is important to have and what isn't.
For example: Instead of putting money into something that is needed, like the house since it needs new garage doors, he's spent countless amount of money on an old car he barely drove. Once he traded that, he got another one. He wasn't going to put any plates on it or pay the sales tax because he couldn't afford it. Then all of a sudden one day he did. That's money that could have been used someplace else and now, he has no money.
Okay now this is my situation:
Monday the other half was going to come up. He kept saying we'll see.. we'll see.. I should have enough money.. blah blah.. ( It's an hour and a half drive). I offered to give him money when he got here for gas. I know it's hard times and really I think it's fair. I woulda made sure he had enough to replace what he used and then some extra for the week.
-I haven't seen him in a couple weeks. We'll now over a couple weeks.-
So I talk to him the night before and he says, before he even tells me that he isn't coming up, I got to get my check and get some stuff for my car and my friend wants to hang out with me after I get that done. So, I say does that mean you aren't coming up? He says, No, I don't have enough money. WTF right.. I am going to give him money when he gets here. W T F. So I am pissed. I feel like he is blowing me off. Instead of telling me he's not coming up he just says I am going to hang with my friend. Okay whatever. Next day he knows I am pissy. More so because my feelings are really hurt. I don't really have the money, but it was important to see him.
I explain to him why I am upset.. why I am pissed off online. Explained it really simply so it would be gotten. No more than two seconds later he says and I quote, " Well, I didn't get to hang out with my friend today." So I was like wtf signed off. I was pissed ALL over again.
I had to call him THAT night. I basically posed the question.. Do you really LOVE ME or do you just love the idea of having a girlfriend.. I.E Me.
Oh No, No.. it's you. It's you.
With a lotta other shit.
So I changed my mind last night. I told him if he wants to come up I will be more than happy to give him gas money.. You know if he hasn't made any plans or whatever. I know he was looking into another job so I just left a message. whatever.
He signs on and says.. I wish but I just had another flat.. I had to go and have it sanded out. Okay, yeah I get that. you're tires are bad it happens, I am totally NOT bent in the least. I am just happy it didn't happen some place far away.
And then he says.. Guess what I got? I said. uhmm. i dunno.. He said what did I say I was going to get if I had extra money? I said i don't remember. He said I got a tattoo.
W T F. I was going to give him gas money because he didn't have money to get here, however, he had money to get a TATTOO!?!
Meanwhile, his tires are shit. He's gotten two flats in a week. Again.. W to the T to the F.
If he gets this other job.. he'll be making more money. Not a lot, but decent. The first thing out of his mouth is.. " Now I can get my sleeves done and get all tattoo'd up" . -insert puzzled face here-
Instead of looking into getting a newer car, maybe finding a place to live because he is so stressed from the people he is living with.. THAT is the first thing he thinks of.
SERIOUSLY. I am 30 years old. I don't have time for little boys. I don't have time. I just.. I don't know. I am so baffled. I need a MAN. I don't need someone that hasn't grown up yet.
I will admit I can be difficult to live with. I know I am difficult to live with, but really some shit is just common fucking sense.
My worry is.. what if this gets really serious and we get married and this is the way he is. I'm not going to let someone drag me into some shitty situation. I am not going to be homeless because someone doesn't have their shit together.
I just don't fucking know.
UGH. UGH. UGH. UGH. UGH.
Basically he is so similar to my dad in ways, I just don't know if I can handle it. I KNOW what I go through here. I know what I deal with here. I know I am the one that has to keep things straight because it would be messed up.
How can you tell me you are a dominant MAN and then have shitty priorities like that? I don't need to have a boyfriend shoved up my keester all the time. As a matter of fact. I HATE that, but I just.. I dunno.
At this point.. I just want to hold him down and just keep punching where he got that new tattoo.
Ugh. Advice would REALLY REALLY be appreciated.
COMMENTS
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WildChild
21:13 Jun 29 2010
I'm sorry...
CAUTION
21:25 Jun 29 2010
Amen. I am here if you ever need to vent or just talk. ~hugs~
Saetan
21:40 Jun 29 2010
I am sorry, Doll. But we both know that jackass wasn't a real man at all. He was a little boy pretending to be a man and sure as hell didn't deserve a real woman like you.
P.S. I still love you Moonie!
RedQueen
21:41 Jun 29 2010
Jeez Moonie- I had high hopes of you being able to be happy- but again, part of the excitement is the search (hunt?)....try again, please don't let this ruin you for the right one who is still out there-
Remember, you gotta kiss alot of frogs......
LadyDarkRayne
22:33 Jun 29 2010
No One is good enough for the mooniepie she is extra ordinary with a twist *hugs*
XJeanneDArcX
04:54 Jun 30 2010
~raises hand~ I have been in that same pussy boat over and over. I also just got out of a "relationship" with someone i had met here, that MANY, including you, know.
What kind of "man" would just block you out of the blue after 2 years?
IF....he really was a man....
Vampirewitch39
13:29 Jul 01 2010
Men- Lot of frogs out there... well then I say we cook all the freaking frogs!
Now you know why I am single. And love it. :) I deal with men all day- hear about their wifes, how they are lazy bitches, how sexy other women are, deal with the whole 'male' attitute... and go home to a nice quiet home. :)
Other then sex...really.... why have one 24/7?